It, uh, it is difficult for me, to saying...in english.
Moi aussi, mais en francais. C'est difficile.
Yes, but your French, it is very good.
Merci, mais c'est pas vrai...donc, qu'est-ce que tu penses de...erm...mon...accent?
You what? Your what?
Er, le...facon...dans quel...je parle...quand je dit les mots...par exemple je dit francais, mon dieu, au secours...c'est bien? Ils...vont...bien?
I...sink so. Ttttthhhhhink so I understand. When you speak, it...er...is sounding french? Yes?
Oui, c'est bien?
Yes! Your french is very nice. Et...ah...and my english? It goes okay?
Oui, ton francais va bien. How can I possibly say I love you without sounding stupid.
Ah, san...tthhank you. C'est trop beaucoup, je peux pas expliquer.
Veux-tu du cafe? sigh
Ah, yes, please. C'est fini
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Thoughts of a 15 year old
There is no truth in truth. There is no lying if you lie. Men have died for smaller offences than loving you but women have died for more. I see no sense in reality but have no heart to dream. I'm not on ice and I have no mouth but my mind speaks loudly to the audience of death that awaits our departure from this world. There is no sense in this reprieve but why reprieve when I am insane. Long live the death of communism long reign the randomity in my thoughts. I Luv Communism. Marxist out.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
For a darker turn
She was just standing there, asking for it. Saul could feel his left foot going numb for the concentration. Switched feet. Someone behind him muttered something about trying to get to the bar. Saul ignored it (though not fully) and instead pulled out his pocket knife. The punter spotted quickly and moved off. The barman noticed too.
'Mate, whatcha got tha' for. Put it away.' Saul smirked, flicked the blade with his fingers.
'Pipe down, mate. Just cleanin' ma nails.'
'Sure enough, you just keep that well clear o' my bar from now on.'
With a brief hesitation, Saul flicked the blade shut and tucked it into his top pocket.
'For later, then.'
He turned his attention back to the leggy brunette at the bar. Thoughtfully (or at least as he imagined) he ran his hand over his 3-day growth. She'd be easy. Whores like that always were, flashing their legs, their gold everywhere. Never met one he couldn't get - or on the rare occasion he did, that he couldn't beat and rob afterwards. The perverse satisfaction of immense physical power sat warmly in his stomach as he waited for her to finish her drink and stumble outside to his advances. He lit a cigarette and went out to wait.
***
Cordelia had been watching the...oaf, from across the bar eyeing Fiona all night. Everytime he moved, she was ready for him to come over and grab her friend. She was never quite sure what she would do if he came over, but she was constantly ready for it.
'Cor, what's wrong? You've spent the whole night gawping. Can you please try and have fun? I know, it's hard...'
'I'm telling you, that creep is staring at you.'
Fiona looked over as the guy was getting a talking to by the barman who was gesturing at something in his hands. She looked back to Cordelia.
'Really? Looks like he's just at the bar, like most other people in this place. Seriously, Cor, just get over it and come hang out with these people! They're great.' She pulled at Cordelia's cardigan. 'Who knows, you might actually get along with Jo? You know, the guy I brought here to meet you, who you haven't spoken to at all, the whole night, who I promised you would like...'
Cordelia sighed. 'I know, alright. Alright.' She looked back at the man, in his dark red leather jacket, who was now stroking his facial hair in a way that she guessed he considered thoughtful, but really just looked menacing. He lit a cigarette and came towards her and she was about ready to leap at him, but he just passed slowly and went out the door to smoke.
***
Saul waited for what seemed hours. That dirty bitch, he thought, she's probably in there talking to every guy in the place, looking for one to go home with. Bet she doesn't even have a home. They're all the same. Finally, as he was finishing his fourth cigarette, a large group of 20-somethings spilled onto the path in front of him. Four boys dressed as men, complete with dirty sneakers and jackets, interspersed with about double the amount of barely-dressed girls. As he was about to give up hope of the brunette coming out, he noticed her friend emerge from the spinning doors. She looked over at him, shrugging on her jacket and lingered just a bit too long before looking back and calling her friend on. Saul rolled his eyes. Typical skank, he thought, gotta have some butch dyke to keep her. They're probably both lesbos. He dropped the butt onto the ground, made a hocking at his throat and spat on the footpath. The group rounded the corner away from the bar, and as they disappeared from view, he pulled himself off the wall slowly and went back inside.
***
'Jackie! Jackie! Come here!' Fiona, having had her fill for the night, was a little more exuberant than usual. She skipped to catch up with her friend, and they linked arms, giggling.
'She's a handful, hey?' Cordelia looked suprisedly to her left to find herself face to face with Jo, who she had been avidly avoiding since Fiona had made such a big deal about introducing them earlier.
'Er, yeah, I suppose. Sometimes. She doesn't always drink this much.'
Jo laughed. "Yeah, I'm sure. Do you guys go out much?'
'Not really.'
'Come here often?'
'Nah.'
'Say more than two words?'
Cordelia only just managed to supress her smile. 'Occasionally.'
Jo smiled. 'I look forward to it.' An awkward silence between them engulfed the end of his sentence. Cordelia looked up, as if a passing meteorite might give her an out.
'Cor! Cor!!! Wait, wait wait wait, we need to go back. Back, right now!' Fiona took Cordelia by the hand.
'Hang on...wait, why?'
'I left my jacket there, silly, now I'm all cold. Plus it's my favourite, and we're only a couple of minutes away. Come on!' She began pulling.
'Wh-hang on, we can't just go by ourselves. Get the others to wait...'
Fiona shook her head and kept pulling. 'Can't, they've got to get to the train station before the last train.'
'And us?'
'We'll just get a taxi or something. C'mon, if we hurry we might be able to get the train.'
Cordelia looked back at the group, at Jo who was looking back at her. She merely shrugged and waved at him to go on.
'Come on!'
The two girls pressed themselves together against the cold. 'It's cold, hey?' mused Cordelia.
'Which is why I need my jacket...'
'This the jacket you need, ladies?'
Cordelia, having been watching the ground, looked up in the direction of the voice. Standing, a little too casually, against a wall on the other side of the street, was the guy from the bar. Cordelia felt her heart drop heavily into her stomach, and began to pull back. Fiona, having had enough to drink to suspend her perception of reality, moved forward.
'Oh, thanks! I'm glad I didn't have to go all the way back to get it, it's so cold!' She reached out for the jacket, and the man, smirking slightly, held it out just a little from his body.
'Silly to leave things lying around like this, you know. Anyone could pick it up.'
'I know, and it's my favourite jacket too! Thanks so much for picking it up.' She took the jacket from him, frowning slightly when he didn't let go immediately.
'Nothing at all, sweetie. Nothing at all. Here, let me help you with that...' he reached out and helped put the jacket around her shoulders. As she linked her arms into it, he reached around her and buttoned it up.
'Wouldn't want you getting cold now, would we sweetie...' his voice trailed off as his hands lingered on her chest. Fiona moved to shrug him off but he lingered stronger.'
'I'm just making you nice and warm...'
'Get off her!'
Saul swung around without letting go of Fiona.
'You heard me. Get off her.' He bared teeth at her.
'How come? Just helping your little friend here keep nice and warm...'
Cordelia took a step forward. 'I said, get off her.' She took another step forward. 'Now.'
Saul laughed. 'And why would I do that? She seems to quite like it...' Fiona let out a little whimper. 'See? See how pleased she sounds?'
Cordelia took another step forward. 'Let go of her now, or...'
'...or what? You gonna come give me a kick with those big dirty dyke boots of yours?' The man spat on the ground. 'Why don't you just run along and give us a bit of time together.'
'Let her go now! I meant it!' She charged at the man. He met her with his heavy boots, squarely in the stomach. Doubled over, Cordelia fell backwards onto the path. The man laughed and, holding Fiona's arms together behind her back, stepped forward and kicked Cordelia in the head, laughing. 'Dirty bitch. That'll teach you.' Fiona began to cry. The man looked back at her and laughed more.
'Please...pl...please let me...go, I, how did this...ow, ow, please j-'
'Shut up, bitch. I don't need you wailing on as well. And stop pulling...'
'What do you want? Do you want my wallet? My bag? Anything, just, just ta-ta-take it, p...please...'
Saul hit her with the back of his hand. 'Shut up. I told you to shut up.' He took out his pocket knife and flicked the blade open. He held it to her throat. 'If you talk again, I'll cut your voicebox out. You gettit?' Fiona nodded. 'Good. Now howsabout we go somewhere a little less...' he looked at the unconscious form of her friend on the ground '...dirty, huh?' He held the blade to her throat with one hand and moved his other hand down to her hip.
'Now, just spread them legs littl-'
A loud bang echoed from the alleyway directly behind them. Fiona screamed and started running, disappearing around the corner. Saul dropped to the ground, a bullet wedged firmly between his shoulder blades, dying noisily. From out of the shadow of the alley, Jo stepped forward, and shot the man twice in the head, then disappeared back into the alley.
When she woke up, Cordelia wasn't sure whether she'd been hit by a truck or a bus. She sat up and immediately screamed, then screamed again, then started crying. The body of the lifeless man who had knocked her unconscious lay metres away, his open eyes staring straight at her, looking right at her had it not been for the pool of blood that stemmed away from his head and the two holes in his forehead. Unable to see or hear for her tears, Cordelia stood up, fell over, stood again. She wiped her eyes, screamed again, and began her long walk home.
***
'Mate, whatcha got tha' for. Put it away.' Saul smirked, flicked the blade with his fingers.
'Pipe down, mate. Just cleanin' ma nails.'
'Sure enough, you just keep that well clear o' my bar from now on.'
With a brief hesitation, Saul flicked the blade shut and tucked it into his top pocket.
'For later, then.'
He turned his attention back to the leggy brunette at the bar. Thoughtfully (or at least as he imagined) he ran his hand over his 3-day growth. She'd be easy. Whores like that always were, flashing their legs, their gold everywhere. Never met one he couldn't get - or on the rare occasion he did, that he couldn't beat and rob afterwards. The perverse satisfaction of immense physical power sat warmly in his stomach as he waited for her to finish her drink and stumble outside to his advances. He lit a cigarette and went out to wait.
***
Cordelia had been watching the...oaf, from across the bar eyeing Fiona all night. Everytime he moved, she was ready for him to come over and grab her friend. She was never quite sure what she would do if he came over, but she was constantly ready for it.
'Cor, what's wrong? You've spent the whole night gawping. Can you please try and have fun? I know, it's hard...'
'I'm telling you, that creep is staring at you.'
Fiona looked over as the guy was getting a talking to by the barman who was gesturing at something in his hands. She looked back to Cordelia.
'Really? Looks like he's just at the bar, like most other people in this place. Seriously, Cor, just get over it and come hang out with these people! They're great.' She pulled at Cordelia's cardigan. 'Who knows, you might actually get along with Jo? You know, the guy I brought here to meet you, who you haven't spoken to at all, the whole night, who I promised you would like...'
Cordelia sighed. 'I know, alright. Alright.' She looked back at the man, in his dark red leather jacket, who was now stroking his facial hair in a way that she guessed he considered thoughtful, but really just looked menacing. He lit a cigarette and came towards her and she was about ready to leap at him, but he just passed slowly and went out the door to smoke.
***
Saul waited for what seemed hours. That dirty bitch, he thought, she's probably in there talking to every guy in the place, looking for one to go home with. Bet she doesn't even have a home. They're all the same. Finally, as he was finishing his fourth cigarette, a large group of 20-somethings spilled onto the path in front of him. Four boys dressed as men, complete with dirty sneakers and jackets, interspersed with about double the amount of barely-dressed girls. As he was about to give up hope of the brunette coming out, he noticed her friend emerge from the spinning doors. She looked over at him, shrugging on her jacket and lingered just a bit too long before looking back and calling her friend on. Saul rolled his eyes. Typical skank, he thought, gotta have some butch dyke to keep her. They're probably both lesbos. He dropped the butt onto the ground, made a hocking at his throat and spat on the footpath. The group rounded the corner away from the bar, and as they disappeared from view, he pulled himself off the wall slowly and went back inside.
***
'Jackie! Jackie! Come here!' Fiona, having had her fill for the night, was a little more exuberant than usual. She skipped to catch up with her friend, and they linked arms, giggling.
'She's a handful, hey?' Cordelia looked suprisedly to her left to find herself face to face with Jo, who she had been avidly avoiding since Fiona had made such a big deal about introducing them earlier.
'Er, yeah, I suppose. Sometimes. She doesn't always drink this much.'
Jo laughed. "Yeah, I'm sure. Do you guys go out much?'
'Not really.'
'Come here often?'
'Nah.'
'Say more than two words?'
Cordelia only just managed to supress her smile. 'Occasionally.'
Jo smiled. 'I look forward to it.' An awkward silence between them engulfed the end of his sentence. Cordelia looked up, as if a passing meteorite might give her an out.
'Cor! Cor!!! Wait, wait wait wait, we need to go back. Back, right now!' Fiona took Cordelia by the hand.
'Hang on...wait, why?'
'I left my jacket there, silly, now I'm all cold. Plus it's my favourite, and we're only a couple of minutes away. Come on!' She began pulling.
'Wh-hang on, we can't just go by ourselves. Get the others to wait...'
Fiona shook her head and kept pulling. 'Can't, they've got to get to the train station before the last train.'
'And us?'
'We'll just get a taxi or something. C'mon, if we hurry we might be able to get the train.'
Cordelia looked back at the group, at Jo who was looking back at her. She merely shrugged and waved at him to go on.
'Come on!'
The two girls pressed themselves together against the cold. 'It's cold, hey?' mused Cordelia.
'Which is why I need my jacket...'
'This the jacket you need, ladies?'
Cordelia, having been watching the ground, looked up in the direction of the voice. Standing, a little too casually, against a wall on the other side of the street, was the guy from the bar. Cordelia felt her heart drop heavily into her stomach, and began to pull back. Fiona, having had enough to drink to suspend her perception of reality, moved forward.
'Oh, thanks! I'm glad I didn't have to go all the way back to get it, it's so cold!' She reached out for the jacket, and the man, smirking slightly, held it out just a little from his body.
'Silly to leave things lying around like this, you know. Anyone could pick it up.'
'I know, and it's my favourite jacket too! Thanks so much for picking it up.' She took the jacket from him, frowning slightly when he didn't let go immediately.
'Nothing at all, sweetie. Nothing at all. Here, let me help you with that...' he reached out and helped put the jacket around her shoulders. As she linked her arms into it, he reached around her and buttoned it up.
'Wouldn't want you getting cold now, would we sweetie...' his voice trailed off as his hands lingered on her chest. Fiona moved to shrug him off but he lingered stronger.'
'I'm just making you nice and warm...'
'Get off her!'
Saul swung around without letting go of Fiona.
'You heard me. Get off her.' He bared teeth at her.
'How come? Just helping your little friend here keep nice and warm...'
Cordelia took a step forward. 'I said, get off her.' She took another step forward. 'Now.'
Saul laughed. 'And why would I do that? She seems to quite like it...' Fiona let out a little whimper. 'See? See how pleased she sounds?'
Cordelia took another step forward. 'Let go of her now, or...'
'...or what? You gonna come give me a kick with those big dirty dyke boots of yours?' The man spat on the ground. 'Why don't you just run along and give us a bit of time together.'
'Let her go now! I meant it!' She charged at the man. He met her with his heavy boots, squarely in the stomach. Doubled over, Cordelia fell backwards onto the path. The man laughed and, holding Fiona's arms together behind her back, stepped forward and kicked Cordelia in the head, laughing. 'Dirty bitch. That'll teach you.' Fiona began to cry. The man looked back at her and laughed more.
'Please...pl...please let me...go, I, how did this...ow, ow, please j-'
'Shut up, bitch. I don't need you wailing on as well. And stop pulling...'
'What do you want? Do you want my wallet? My bag? Anything, just, just ta-ta-take it, p...please...'
Saul hit her with the back of his hand. 'Shut up. I told you to shut up.' He took out his pocket knife and flicked the blade open. He held it to her throat. 'If you talk again, I'll cut your voicebox out. You gettit?' Fiona nodded. 'Good. Now howsabout we go somewhere a little less...' he looked at the unconscious form of her friend on the ground '...dirty, huh?' He held the blade to her throat with one hand and moved his other hand down to her hip.
'Now, just spread them legs littl-'
A loud bang echoed from the alleyway directly behind them. Fiona screamed and started running, disappearing around the corner. Saul dropped to the ground, a bullet wedged firmly between his shoulder blades, dying noisily. From out of the shadow of the alley, Jo stepped forward, and shot the man twice in the head, then disappeared back into the alley.
When she woke up, Cordelia wasn't sure whether she'd been hit by a truck or a bus. She sat up and immediately screamed, then screamed again, then started crying. The body of the lifeless man who had knocked her unconscious lay metres away, his open eyes staring straight at her, looking right at her had it not been for the pool of blood that stemmed away from his head and the two holes in his forehead. Unable to see or hear for her tears, Cordelia stood up, fell over, stood again. She wiped her eyes, screamed again, and began her long walk home.
***
Monday, October 13, 2008
Endless Turbulence
Where are you taking me
why am I coasting across the sea
why do my feet skim the surface
without breaking it
are the waves shining
or are my eyes tinted gold?
why do I feel like I'm flying
how am I even moving
planted firmly upon the ocean
the light of the whole world
twists and shrieks
to sing my lullaby to me
are my veins empty of life
or full of death
truth is only a version
of a story woven by choice
oh, I do feel
I feel
change in the air
a static change that climbs onto me
and purring in my ear
coaxes me into lying
not down, but to myself
you are, you are, you are
and when I am not,
he slinks off
and lingers in the violent shadows
until I am again
there as my amness freefalls into the world
gathering speed, burning through the atmosphere
I see, as if from above
with my stratospheric desperation
it fall into the shadows
where it is lost
and the change, with glinting eyes
begins its feast on me
why am I coasting across the sea
why do my feet skim the surface
without breaking it
are the waves shining
or are my eyes tinted gold?
why do I feel like I'm flying
how am I even moving
planted firmly upon the ocean
the light of the whole world
twists and shrieks
to sing my lullaby to me
are my veins empty of life
or full of death
truth is only a version
of a story woven by choice
oh, I do feel
I feel
change in the air
a static change that climbs onto me
and purring in my ear
coaxes me into lying
not down, but to myself
you are, you are, you are
and when I am not,
he slinks off
and lingers in the violent shadows
until I am again
there as my amness freefalls into the world
gathering speed, burning through the atmosphere
I see, as if from above
with my stratospheric desperation
it fall into the shadows
where it is lost
and the change, with glinting eyes
begins its feast on me
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