Where does a circle start?

Sometimes, I wonder how anyone can NOT have contempt for the world. After swinging through a maze of mood changes for no reason, coming to the conclusion that I must be a prediagnostic schizophrenic maniac, then deciding I was bi-polar, then not being sure, then deciding on bi-polar because I wasn't sure, I found that I had looked at everything in the worst possible light and that a positive light didn't seem to shine let alone be possible of being a view on the world.

After taking a step in the social pool and realising just HOW shallow it is, I have become disillusioned with all the pretence and ponce and frivolity that seems to rule the social stratum. It has come to show me just how far money can get you, how the little tred on the little to get just a few rungs higher, and how no one seems willing to change that. Rich and poor, big and little, popular or outcast, there is little camaraderie between any class or social group, and enough people competing against others who could well be colleagues to make an equalitist gag.

I have discovered that I hate passivity. I hate people who aren't happy with their lot, but are too piss-weak to take the bull by the horns and do something about it. What I hate more are people who expect others to do the bull-riding for them, and even more than that, people who then complain because either a) they want to side with the victor of the confrontation (if there was one) b) they don't like the change and want more done/ a reversal of the change c) they resent that they were too freakin' pathetic to do anything or d) they're crap friends who don't realise how much guts it takes to stand up and do something for someone else once in a while. Maybe if these fruitcakes TRIED this hands-on living for themselves, they could appreciate that.

I realise also how much I resent truly contemptuous people, which seems ironic, hypocritical and blah blah blah. People who won't give anything a chance, who won't try anything once, and/or who treat others badly because it's fun/easier/helpful to their dismal self esteem. I found it ironic that the thing I find I hate most in the world - is hate. I tried to get my head around that, tried grappling it in a flow chart, and talking it over, but it doesn't make any sense. In all hypocrisy and irony I make the statement that I hate hate. And in doing that, I perpetuate what I hate, but if I didn't hate hate, then I would love hate and then I would have to hate, but ... argh...

I've just recently started getting to terms with what I would like to sort out, change, rectify, observe, learn and disassociate from in the future - and it's looking daunting.