Felling Trees

I don't understand a few things. One, I don't understand why I am always the one who gets abused, snubbed, bitched about, when it is OTHER people who do things. I am kind enough to not NAME them, or say WHAT happened, or give any details that might indicate what it is that made me upset, yet when I talk about it in the vaguest of terms (ie, my last post) I have a multitude of people who I don't know, who weren't concerned (or who were and are still too nasty to admit it is them) and for whom these instances mean nothing, come and give what they think is their two cents worth. I have read through other blogs, and there are nastier things, more political things, more controversial things - yet when I want to communicate my opinion, or in my OWN blog I want to be upset over something, other people, either too nasty or too eager to for once be the one's doing the attacking, decide it is their duty to tell me I'm wrong. In all of the anonymous comments, the same message comes through - you are wrong. They say other people are entitled to act as they wish, with little or no consequence, but I am not entitled to think my own way without being persecuted for it.

Some people decide that it is their duty to point out their hypocrisy - yet fail to acknowledge their own - that they may come on here and preach to me about how to be a better person, yet be doing something nasty themselves at the same time. None of the comments concede with me on anything - they all attack me in one way or another - and that (not wholly) surprises me, because I wouldn't have thought that asking 'people' to be nice and not judge would insight others to speak against it. The people that have commented, thank you for your comments, but I simply cannot respect your opinion because you haven't put your name to it. You find it your duty to point out my faults, but can't find it in yourself to do the right thing and put your name on your comment. I honestly don't care if you don't like me - that isn't my issue. My issue is that you are too afraid of what I may say to you in real life if you take the credit you are claiming to deserve in correcting my misguided beliefs and replacing them with your own. People have commented that I am looking down on people with putting my views out there - then telling me what to think. I'm not allowed to tell people what to think - yet you are allowed to tell me what to think - that is, not what I think.

You are pointing out my hypocrisy, but if I point out yours, you just have to say "Well, you're not listening to what I'm saying."

Then, further, I am told that I should listen to what's in the comments, not the way they are constructed. So from this:

You fucking whore, you are a fucking retard who doesn't deserve life because you're a fucked motherfucker with a fucked up family who should all be fucking shot, you childmolester. Fuck off to retardland and go and fucking die.


... I am supposed to take:

You who sleeps with many people, you are mentally disturbed, and you should not be alive because you are so disturbed, and you have a very misguided family who should also die, you paedophile. Please go away and die.

Notice how that is nigh on impossible? You can't ignore the abuse in there - similarly with me, I cannot take the 'message' from a comment, where every second sentence is a personal insult.

Secondly, I don't understand how you feel satisfied commenting on here, trying to make me feel bad. How does that enhance your life? It doesn't make you a better person. And commenting anonymously achieves nothing. If you don't like me - as your comment would suggest - then why be secretive? If you are secretive, then I may never know. You are wasting your time then, because I will obviously keep trying to be your friend in real life, which you obviously wouldn't want. If you don't like me as you suggest in your comment then don't like me outright, say who you are and you won't have to waste any more of your precious time on me, nor I you. If you are not saying who you are because you think I could be useful, then it is only a reflection on you, and not me, that you have done this. We never speak out in our society - so many friends I have seen hurt, suffer, all because they were too afraid to speak out. So go on. Do it. You might, ironically, thank me for it. Though I wouldn't expect anyone to do that, ever.

Where do you get off trying to make me miserable? Is it because by doing so, you feel more happy with yourself, that you are better than someone because you can say whatever you like about them without ever having to worry about the consequences? By felling another tree, the carpenter needs less wood and you might stay standing, right?

The carpenter always comes after those that stand alone.

It's no secret anymore

Ok. This is going to be one of those annoying whiny nagging piffle posts, but bear with me. I have to be inarticulate sometimes. The things I think are often unintelligible anyway.

I'm sick of ambiguity and politeness.

Welcome to The Suck.

I am so incredibly, unbelievably SICK of all of you out there who think you are BETTER than someone else for any of the following reasons:
- wealth
- socioeconomic background
- appearance
- intelligence
- any individual trait or unchangeable aspect of your life.

I am smart. So go fuck yourself. You know I am. Strangely enough, I don't use this against other people. Oh but you do, Rosie! I would like someone to demonstrate an instance in which I have used my intelligence to my advantage or to criticise someone else where they haven't used my weight as something to have a go at me about. People constantly use this reason, my weight, as a reason to look down on me. I'm seen as less of a person, ironically, because of my weight! People think it is fine to look down on someone because they are different. People assume that it is acceptable to ostracize someone for a reason that they believe outlines them as superior. People think that if you can't be them, then you don't deserve their time. They believe that money automatically assumes you as a classy subject, as well spoken, as gifted, talented or otherwise embellished with positive attributes all equalling 'better human'.

So the ideas are out there.

First of all - wealth. I would like someone to explain to me exactly what it is that established wealth as a powerbroker in what makes you better than someone. Ok, I acknowledge that wealth, monetarily, that is, allows you privilege, status and the ability to purchase the necessary commodities that see you, in the Western world, recognised as higher in the stratum than others. However, I do not see how on earth these people - you people, if you are reading - can justify this as a means of determining who is worthy, who is superior, inferior or equal to you. Money does not equal class - we learn this from the prostitutes-in-training who were at PLC, who made a porn video. Not exactly a classy move. Money does not equal brains - we learn this from the fact that only one or two schools that demand excessive fees had perfect graduation rates in 2005. Money does not equal a more charitable or compassionate person - if rich people were more charitable or compassionate, then they wouldn't be rich, would they? Go figure. Money does not mean success - success is, rather, measured by the amount of goals achieved in proportion to those set. Money can not be used as a means of gaining a foot up on those who have less than you, because in no way does it make you you as person a better human.

Socioeconomic background - mainly determined by wealth but also by other factors including but not limited to occupation/providers occupation/location of home/type and number of car/s owned/family situation and/or school/college attended (at least in this stage of our lives).
What strikes me most violently about socioeconomic background is that at this stage in our lives, we are mostly unable to determine most of the things listed above. The fact that people can judge and hence look down on others because of the reasons listed is absurd, for many reasons but mainly because for most people these material factors do not determine nor dictate their lives or choice of lifestyle. People who judge on this basis are painfully unaware of their lack of depth in fathoming a person's worth, and this is clearly demonstrated through the fact that they are willing to judge because of this! That someone can be defined by an item of clothing, a material possession or the luck of the draw for employment is ridiculous. If someone can point me in the way of understanding how exactly it may not be ridiculous, I would be most amused to listen to what you have to say.

By God I'm getting tired.

Appearance, some people believe, is something that can be helped, changed, modified, at least in the sense of weight, hairstyle, clothing, makeup, clothing accessories, manbags etc. However, to judge on appearance is to deny the presence of the more integral aspect of one's overall impact as a person, and that is personality. To judge on looks is to have little or no regard for personality. This may seem extreme to some people. You may think "Yeah, but I can look at you Rosie and even though you're fat I know you're a nice/mean/silly person." you see, the thing is, if you even THINK of me as rosie:fat, you are already warping my impact on you by associating with me, subsequently, the connotations of fat in Western society; that is, laziness, stupidness, ugliness, and basic no-hoperness. Even if you don't think THOSE exact things - they are part of your society-learnt views on fat, and you cannot ever change that. If I lose weight, you will see me as the girl who lost weight to look better/to get healthier/to be more attractive, each of which carries further meaning to HOW you get me. (I'm using myself as an example because it's easier to translate onto the page). It all boils down to the fac that if you judge on appearance, it's going to make everything else more difficult. By looking down on someone because of appearance, a hark-on from judgement, you are establishing yourself as a person with whom no one can associate depth or quality of judgement with - because looking down on someone is deciding you're better than them. Appearance is, remember, subjective. Just because you look down on me because I'm fat, in a tribe somewhere in Africa YOU could be considered the inferior person because you are thin.

Are you sticking with me? It's hard, I know.

Intelligence! Now this is hard for me to write about - because as a smart person, I find it incredibly difficult at times to not diss people based on their intelligence (or lack thereof) when all they can do is pay me out for being fat. It is hard. And I probably sound really stuck up here. But if I don't say it, who will? You must forgive lack of honesty and in exchange take a pinch of salt with my view of the world. However, I will try to be objective.
To judge someone on their intelligence is to disregard their humanity and the fact that perhaps they've just never been taught. One cannot learn, as I am constantly telling my mum while trying to cook things I've never cooked before, if one is not taught. On another blog I read, a girl who will not be named occasionally makes comments that perhaps other people would scoff at and say "pooh! I would never say something that silly! I am too smart for that!" I am guilty of it. I do apologise, yet I also use that to speak from experience. However, what we fail to recognise is that to most people, what they say makes sense to them. What they say is a reflection of what they think, and although they may not express it as eloquently as others, the fact that they are expressing it should command respect. We judge on intelligence because we believe it is a natural gift, but it is taught, it is learnt. People do not become smart by being born to gifted parents, but learn to think in a cognitively-sensitive manner that allows them to utilise skills and knowledge provided. To look down on someone because of their intelligence is to once again, as in other instances of other traits, deny the importance of a multi-faceted system - that is, the complexity of the human psyche.

Enough of my psychobabble!
The final point pertains to those above in an effort to tie each to the other and to illustrate that traits, changeable but mostly unchangealbe do not allow you to look down on someone.

This is all about respect. We seem to have lost respect for each other, for diversity and for difference. Perhaps an appreciation for such qualities would lead us to a new cycle - where we never have a need to look down on each other.

Yawn!
bed for me, at least in the next hour :D
xox

sally has been thought; a doctor d exclusive

There was once this thought that crossed my mind. She was, amongst other things, an interestingly feisty thought. I called her Sally. Through mines and battlefields, five-lane freeways and thickets full of nasties she had never seen before she battled. She came upon adversaries and enemies and faced scarier things than one may face trekking the darker realms of the underworld, but never did she forgo what it was she set out to do - enlighten. She had been called recondite by her other thoughts, those she had presumed her friends. But she had never let them drag her down. Not once. Not ever. She had worked all her short life to make it out of the blur and into the conscious, to emerge from the crowd, and through the exegete of clarity brought about by quite moments of self-reflection, make it as a thought; unforgotten and unforgettable. Her sine qua non was not her indispensability, but her presence, like a lightning bolt across a velvet sky - simply unforgettable. She had a vim unlike any other thought, and that perhaps is why I have to tell her story. She asked not for any perquisite or gratitude, but only for time. She waited, bode and wasted her time, just waiting for her moment. Her quiddity was not that she was a fantastic thought, but an intense and striking thought. She had time of day for only one thing - and that was making sure she was immortal. She became the cynosure of every thought in my mind. She never warranted their envy. She was apposite to every other thought, and each felt usurped of importance and worth. She was wonderful. She occupied the centre of the my cranial firmament and I loved it.

Her moment came. And she couldn't be happier. As she streaked out, past every encumberment that had held her to my mortal conscious since she had formed, she left behind her only one remnant. The satisfaction that Sally had been thought.